By Claude Stevens
This story is about getting food poison. It
all started when we first went in to Cambodia May
of 70. We were leaving early in the mornings and not getting
back until after 9 or 10 PM at night. I was doing PMI's every twodays.
When we would get in at night and finish up with the aircraft we wouldbe
hungry but the mess hall would be closed. So someone bitched about
it and they started to make sandwiches for us.
This went on for a while and thingsstarted to slow down in Cambodia but
we were still getting in late. So one night
on the way back to Vinh Long we got this call about picking up somewounded
at this fire base and being number four in a flight of four my helicopter
had the good fortune to do the job. Now we are in the dark anddon't
even know were the FB is at. So we are told to take a heading and
watch for the flare. The people on the ground
said that when they herd us theywould pop a flare. So we found the
place and take the wounded to Vinh Longand land on the pad on the river
and go on home for the night. Now this took us
over and hour and a half. We get back to Vinh long and I do the check
thing and go on in to eat. Now its 01:00am in the morning
and the cook isclosing everything down when me and my door gunner arrive
at the mess hall hungry as junk yard dogs. So
he is a little pissed that no one told him we were
coming in later than the rest. So he gets this big pan out and on
it is a big pork roast sliced up and he gets us some
bread and we make our sandwichwith the pork roast. We get some milk
and we sit down and talk to the cook and thank him
for what he did for us. So my gunner takes a bite and said he
didn't like it and that he would wait until the morning
to eat. Now I didn't get lunch because someone
stole my C-rations out the back of my helicopter (Must
have been Callison) and I only had a can of fruit cocktail, peanutbutter
and crackers. I didn't have anything to eat all evening, so I washungry.
I eat the sandwich down and drank the milk. Sat there and talked
to the cook for a few more minutes while we had a
smoke. My gunner had leftalready. I felt my stomach rumble
and I said to the cook that nature was about to call
and that I had better be on my way. I walked out the mess hall
about 10 feet and this cramp hit me like a ton of bricks.
I had to stop for a second and it went away and I
started walking again. It hit me harder thistime and I had to go
to my knees. I felt like I had to puke. So here I was
in the middle of the street with my stomach hurting like
a horse had kicked me and my mouth watering like I
had a river in it. Then I get this gas pain in the
lower part of my body and now I feel like I have to fart. So I give
this little push and I let out this gas, and I think
I went airborne from the force. It smelled like
I have never smelled before. I knew something was going
wrong. Now the pain went away so I started heading to the four holerthat
is now about 50 yards away. 25 more yards from touch down and it
hits me again, but this time it brings tears to my
eyes and I shit in my pants before I even had time
to try to stop it. The best part about it I couldn't stopshitting.
There was so much gas coming out of me, if someone would have lit
a match I think I would have blown up. I have crap
in my boots and I smell
worst than the four holer. So now I'm sweating
like I have been running for 20 miles. I start
to walk for the four holer again and I'm getting weak as a baby.
It hits me again, but this time I pull my pants down before the shitcomes
flying. But now its all water coming out and it is burning my butt
hole because its coming out so fast. Up till
now no one has seen me because its about 02:00 in
the morning. So I make it to the four holer and sit down andblow
some more out. I sit there for about half and hour. I take
everything off and go into the shower and turn on
the water only to find there isn't any.
I'm walking around in my birthday suit looking for a
place to wash off. I go to the troop next to
our unit and walk into there shower. I got lucky and there
was some water and someone even left some soap so I washed off real goodand
got out of there before someone seen me. So I start to walk back
barracks and I make it to the steps and it hits me again
and I start for the shit house again but don't make
it. About this time I fell so weak I just want
to lay down and die. I hear someone laughing there ass off and sayingwhat
the hell am I doing. That's when I knew I was in real trouble.
I was going to hit this asshole up side the head but
I couldn't even open my mouth to say anything.
I couldn't even see anymore the sweat was in my eyes, I was down
on one knee in my birthday suit, pissing out my asshole. I think
I would have had to laugh to. The guy who ever
he was asked if I was all right and Icouldn't say anything and now I knew
I had his attention. He garbed my arm and I
herd him say something about I was burning up. The next thing Iremembered
was I was waking up in this all white room with this IV in my arm.
This doctor came in when they saw I was awake and started
to ask all kinds of question about what I had to eat.
I couldn't remember at the time because I was still
out of it. They keep asking about every five minutes and I startedto
get pissed. The doctor said that they had to find out fast because
what ever it was they had to find it and get rid of
it are it could do in a lot of people. So I'm
thinking hard now what the hell is "IT." Next thing I getthis bad
taste in my mouth and I remember the pork sandwich. I now rememberthat
I was thinking about going to go and kill the cook the next day for what
he had done to me. I told him where to look for the
Pork. A little while later the doctor came in
and said that they got it and it was really bad.
They kept me for one more day to make sure that I wasn't
going to dehydrate again. Top came and picked
me up and asked what the hell had happened to me. He
said that they found my boots, pants, and shirt but they couldn't find
me. He said that they had shit all over the place
and they thought that I had shit my life away.
Real funny I told him. He didn't know how close I came todoing just
that. Till this day I can't eat Pork roast. If I taste it I'llpuke
all over the place.
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